my cat’s name is Treasure…Treasure has been with me since he was little, and was so playful and very interesting…there was another cat next door, who was very timid but they were friends. This other cat used to follow Treasure to my room and started becoming close to me…Treasure’s attitude changed suddenly…won’t eat, won’t come to my room wen he sees d other cat in my room, doesn’t allow me to pet it, stays away from me…but this other cat hadn’t been loved the way treasure was loved by me so it’s not bad to show this cat some love, ryt? How do I deal with this? I miss Treasure badly
Dear Readers,
This comment is on my post, How to fix the jealous cat. While I have tips on handling inter-cat jealousy in the post, this comment brings up an important point many people overlook when it comes to certain cat behavior. As I replied:
Don’t listen to Treasure’s pouting. Chase after him and love him anyway. That is what he is asking for.
cat communication
We all have done something which upsets our cat: a new human or feline member of the household, a weekend away, a schedule change, even feeding the abandoned cat who showed up. Any of these things can make our cat wonder why things have changed… and what else might be changing.
When we are faced with a previously affectionate cat who is now skipping bedtime cuddling or acting aloof, we need to remember that the cat is asking for love.
This is how they ask.
playing poker
As I explain in the post, All Cats Play Poker, as our kitten passes through adolescence, they learn the coy ways of adult cat affection. This is when the cat decides that, sometimes, it is our turn to make the overtures.
Many people become puzzled that their cuddly kitten starts acting indifferent, but this is a pose. This is the cat asking for a relationship based on equality. It is the signal that, sometimes, it is going to be our turn.
That is why it is so important for a human to grasp that cats are actually not coming from an attitude of bossiness, nor are they willing to be subservient. It is an adult relationship where we take turns being the initiator of loving gestures.
When our cat is upset by anything that might cause them to question our love, they are going to ask “Do you still love me?” by this same behavior. They want us to remind them that it’s cuddle time, offer treats and play, and seek them out when they are not appearing as usual.
If our cat is asking for more love, we give them more.
how cats ask
A recent post was about the topic of how cats tend to use body language when they ask us for things. If we regard their behavior as their form of communication (which it is) we will have a magic door open onto their motivations and thoughts.
If we think a fellow human has hurt our feelings, what do we do? That’s right. We do the exact same thing.
We withdraw our little love words and gestures, we pull back, we wait for them to show they didn’t mean it, that they still love us, that they will move forward to close that gap.
When our cat withdraws, they are saying their feelings are hurt. We are supposed to rush forward and close the gap between us. That is not only the kind thing to do, that is the adult thing to do.
It might take several gestures, depending on how hurt our cat is feeling. But our reassurance, our willingness to acknowledge their emotions, and our determination to show them that they are still the Most Important Cat in the World will bring them back.
In The diplomatic cat, I described a recent incident where Tristan acted jealous of RJ sleeping in a spot he wanted. I scolded Tristan, but in a way that reached out to him in love, instead of reacting with punishment. While jealous cats who are starting fights need a time out so they don’t feel threatened, we should not treat the jealous cat with anger or scorn. They are usually demonstrating insecurity, not aggression.
When the problem is lack of love, the solution is more love.
I answer the question Do cats expect to be adored?.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
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