Cats N Things: 5 Reasons Cats Don’t Need Opposable Thumbs

Friday 3 March 2017

5 Reasons Cats Don’t Need Opposable Thumbs

somali cat happy not to have opposable thumbs

Today, I hear, is “What if Cats (and dogs) Had Opposable Thumbs Day.” The opposable thumb thing is talked about a lot, as if it is the key to world domination. Well, guess what? I don’t even want opposable thumbs! I don’t think we cats need them.

Yes, humans think their opposable thumbs are kind of a big deal, but really they’re not. Here are five reasons why I will never lust after those primate-centric appendages.

Like our Abyssinian cousins, we Somali cats have grabby hands, and we’re able to open most drawers and cabinets and take whatever we want. For that reason alone, I find opposable thumbs way overrated.
We don’t need to thumb our noses as a show of disrespect. We can express disrespect just fine with one ear cocked (also known as the half-airplane). It is just as eloquent… maybe even more so because it’s way less silly looking.
Same thing with the thumbs down gesture — we cats have several ways of letting humans know our disapproval that don’t require thumbs.
And even if we could, cats would never give a thumbs up. It’s never a good idea to express too much approval to humans, or they may slack off. Appreciation, yes… approval, not so much. Also, did you know that thumbs up is actually an obscene gesture in certain countries?
But most importantly, all the things that require the use of thumbs — typing on a keyboard, opening cans of food, etc. — are human work, and kitties should never have to do them. If we had thumbs, humans would probably expect us to take up some chores on our own and stop doing them for us. It might even take some of the fun out of opening and shutting doors. Sure, on the surface it seems like a good idea if we could do it ourselves, but admit it: half the pleasure is getting your human to do the opening and closing for you.

So kitties, just remember, thumbs are the mark of those who serve. Also, people need thumbs to gesture because they don’t have the expressive body language and movable ears that we cats do. Maybe we should be grateful we don’t have thumbs — being thumbless, perhaps, is a mark of superiority.

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