It’s been a while. Can you tell us if the above suggestions worked long term with Tristan? How is he getting on?
I have a 16 week male kitten and the better he gets in with our big cats the less he wants/needs affection from me. I would appreciate suggestions and an update about your little guy!! Thanks
Dear Readers,
Tristan turned out to be delightfully affectionate. If there is a horizontal area on my body, it is usually occupied by Tristan.
In the post this commenter was referring to, Keeping Kittens Cuddly, I was describing how Tristan was developing cat friendships along with his human ones, and how I could see a tricky time on the horizon: Cat Adolescence.
Independence starts early
This time can be especially baffling for humans who do not understand the development steps our cat is now experiencing. When they are very little, they regard us as they do their mothers; the source of food and protection and affection.
That doesn’t go away.
But they do expand their social arena, and if we have other cats, every little hard-wired template in their head drives them to also want relationships with their fellow felines. One of our advantages in fostering Tristan is how we had James Bond, Reverend Jim, and Princess Olwyn to help with his upbringing. As I put it at the time, he is getting “all his cat bolts tightened properly.”
This is very good for all of us. Tristan was going to be a part of our Cat Civilization, so of course he needed cat social skills.
But this benefits our human relationship as well, since a happy, well-adjusted, cat is going to be a good friend to their humans. This was particularly important with fostered kittens, who are missing out on vital socialization skills from their littermates.
So we should expect our growing kittens to revel in new relationships, whether they are with their fellow cats, the humans around them, or the dogs, horses, or even birds in the home. The more and varied our cats’ friends, the more flexible and understanding our cat can be about all their relationships.
Playing Cat Poker
As our cats move into that borderland between baby and adult, they begin playing what I call Cat Poker.
I see your affectionate gesture, and I’ll raise you by being even more affectionate.
A few rounds of Cat Poker can become a day of delightful affection moves, where I seek out a cat for fussing, they appear to fuss over me, then it is my turn to find them and enjoy our closeness, which puts the love ball back in their court.
If we think our cat has become “aloof” and no longer pesters us for attention and petting and cuddling, it doesn’t mean our cat no longer cares. It means our cat is saying that it is our turn. This can happen with a growing kitten, a newly adopted adult cat, or a fragile senior cat. This can happen anytime our cat wants a bit of reassurance.
If we are missing them tracking us down and making a show of how much they love us, it is actually our cue to find them, and tell them how much we love them.
Which is only fair.
Tristan had Teen Time, when he would ostentatiously come into a room and lurk at the edge of my vision. He would get to rooms before me, and I would find him there, his back turned to me. If I looked away from him then, I could see him, in my peripheral vision, sneak a peek over his shoulder to see if I noticed him asking for love.
I always did.
If I missed him, I would seek him out. This is how I let him know how much I loved him. I played Cat Poker like our relationship depended on it. Because it did.
It doesn’t have to be singular turns, either. There were times when I “saw him and raised him” three or four times in a row, blitzing him with how much I cared, building up an incredible head of steam so that Tristan would return to my arms with extravagant purring and blissful head rubbing and deep deep snuggling.
We don’t simply receive our cat’s love. We teach them what love is.
Love has a language
Tristan is highly social and wants to be friends with everyone. This is part of how he retains his kitten cuddliness. But there’s the added factor than Tristan and I are special to each other. We have successful chemistry together.
This can be acknowledged when we choose a cat with a connection. This can be supported by successfully playing Cat Poker when our cat asks for it. We can build a strong relationship with any cat.
If we are fortunate enough to forge a special bond, we also need to take special care of it. It can be treat time, mind meld time, play time, or cuddle time. Whether I am busy away from home, or don’t feel well, Tristan is highly sensitive to any “disturbance in the Force” between us, and then needs extra attention from me. Like James Bond before him, he needs to lie on me and recharge his heart even more than usual.
It may seem counter-intuitive for us to pursue a cat who is making a show of ignoring us. But why should it? Dogs have a nature that drives them towards us, always. But cats have a nature which is more like ours in that respect. They also want the reassurance of us chasing them, sometimes.
This is what I absolutely adore about the human/feline bond. It is utterly unforced. Nothing drives us together except the gravitational pull of mutual regard, based on how we treat each other. Yet this is the absolute basis of love, in that we come together in friendship, voluntarily.
Because, to each other, we are just that awesome.
Find out more about Sir Tristan, teen cat.
Got here from a Link or Search?
There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
The post Dear Pammy, How did Tristan turn out? appeared first on Cats n Things.
from
http://catsnthings.com/dear-pammy-how-did-tristan-turn-out
No comments:
Post a Comment