In times past, we have tried soothing Tristan over my absence by using my voice on the phone. Some cats find such a tactic to be happy evidence that we are still out there, somewhere. But for Tristan, it is disappointing. Because if I were really there, I would pet and hug him.
Such contact is important for he and I, because Tristan is my Heart Cat.
What is a Heart Cat?
I love the Cat Appreciator phrase, “Heart Cat.” It sums up the closeness we feel towards certain cats. I love all my cats, very much, but when I have that little extra closeness of a Heart Cat — that is something special.
When I am away for a while, I must perform the Heart Recharging Ritual upon my return. I scoop Tristan up and hold him like an infant, putting his chest against mine so our “hearts touch.” Then we exchange Cat Kisses with slow blinks of our eyes while Tristan puts a sheathed paw on my nose or cheek. I whisper explanations, reassurances, and how much I missed him, too.
We stay this way for as long as it takes; sometimes ten or more minutes, depending on the length of my absence combined with how much he missed me. Then he signals his satisfaction with a subtle wiggle of his body, and I put him back on the floor.
We are fully connected again.
With James Bond, my previous Heart Cat, I would have to leave an already-worn shirt for him to lie on if I were to be gone overnight, and if I were gone for longer than that, I would have to prepare him. I would put his paw on the calendar on each day of absence, to show how long.
When I returned, James would give me the Turned Back, to show how much my not being there hurt his feelings. Then I would take him into the bathroom, where no one else could see his dignity ruffled by a hugging session. He also liked me holding him in The Drape, positioned so he could see both of us in the mirror.
There’s also a difference in degree. Tristan loves everyone, and happily cuddles with Mr WayofCats, using their own personal ritual. Tristan also misses our downstairs neighbors when they go on a trip. When tipped off that their arrival is imminent, he eagerly waits on the lobby stairs for one couple who are his special friends, too.
While James took years to accept Mr WayofCats as a close friend. James always liked him, but he was very slow to let this new human into a closer circle.
Heart Cat exists independently of other factors.
What distinguishes a Heart Cat?
The beauty of Heart Cat is that we can have many of them, and they are all different. When I had James Bond and we got Tristan, Tristan developed into a Heart Cat of mine without a ripple in James and I’s relationship. I did special things with James, and different, but still special, things with Tristan. While I also kept doing special things with Reverend Jim; who currently loves both his humans equally.
The difference is that if I am away, RJ does not miss me as intensely as Tristan does. RJ is happy because he still has a human at home; it would take a longer absence for him to start missing me specifically.
That is the incredible advantage of a cat’s unique personality.
Some cats seem to love having a Designated Human friend. This will be the one for whom they unlock all the rooms in their heart. They develop personal, intense, love gestures with this human, in a way they do with no other. When Mr WayofCats scoops up Tristan, they cuddle; but not the way he and I do.
But we cannot know, at the beginning, exactly how our relationship will develop. James Bond was a Beta-Gamma cusp of a Cat Type, while Tristan is a 5 out of 10 Alpha Cat Type. (Ordell, an Alpha who was too much for our living situation and had to be rehomed, was an 11.) Bubby, my previous Heart Cat, was a solid Beta, while Myron was a Beta-Alpha cusp. So, at least in my case, it does not happen via Cat Type.
It has little to do with breeds: these Heart Cats were all mixes, of many different breeds. Bubby was a Maine Coon mix, but so are our present cats, Reverend Jim and Mithrandir, who are not Heart Cats. I am obviously fond of Northern Cat mixes, but there’s no pattern for me there, either. Outside of the US Northeast, Northern Cat mixes would not be as common, and I might not have acquired so many.
One thing is for certain; it comes from Feeling the Connection. I choose every cat by sensing an emotional connection between us. This lets me know we have a fertile field for love to grow in.
But we never know. Tristan was an accidental foster who worked out wonderfully.
Con we create a Heart Cat?
Heart Cat is a state which arises naturally, from close friendship with a cat who finds us particularly compatible. It also requires a cat who wishes to have a Special Person. Absolutely wonderful cats, like Reverend Jim and Mithrandir, do not have this same pull towards creating a unique bond. The love gestures these cats use, they use on all their humans.
It does not mean they love us less than a Heart Cat does.
Heart Cats feel particularly close, that’s all. They revel in it, wish to enjoy such an exclusive bond, and are pleased when their human feels the same way. But there’s no forcing it; this is a chemistry situation.
Most people feel warmed by a Heart Cat situation, and wish for it to happen. One of the reasons I urge people to consider planning for a Cat Civilization from the beginning is that it considerably increases the odds of acquiring a Heart Cat. Or two. My Heart Cats were never jealous of each other, or resentful there was another one in the household. Heart Cat/Human relationships are in addition to whatever else we are doing with our cats. It is not about subtraction.
Using our Multiple Cat Advantage means that the cat who thinks someone else is special is not our only source of cat affection. Having one cat, who loves someone else more… it is a tough thing for the secondary human, especially if that human cares about getting more cat affection.
Another classic situation illuminated by my favorite cat advice:
The solution to your cat problem is more cats.
Heart Cat is sometimes such a problem.
Mr WayofCats has a Heart Cat: Olwyn.
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There’s more ways to get our cat to be affectionate in The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See all of my CAT AFFECTION posts.
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