But since cats are continually processing new information, their basic socialization skills are often being updated and recalibrated. This can be confusing for their humans, who get a greeter cat one day and a shy hider the next. It helps me to remember that cat tolerance for strangers ebbs and flows.
Like the tides.
innate ability
The greatest influence on our cat’s friendliness is their own unique personality. As a kitten, Tristan would greet anyone and demand belly rubs from them. As he moved into adolescence, his increased thinking skills led to more caution.
Reverend Jim took the opposite arc. He was shy as a kitten, though capable of forming friendships with people he saw often. Now, he’s the most likely to stroll out and greet strangers. His mental processes have added up the happy interactions and he’s now willing to meet anyone.
Our cat’s capacity to greet guests is also dependent on those guests’ knowledge of cat etiquette. Our friends tend to be cat-savvy, or at least willing to take direction, so our cats have a level of comfort that might not be there if we regularly hosted more rowdy or insistent guests.
Not matter what Cat Type we have, a group quietly chatting is going to attract more cat curiosity than people jumping to their feet watching a sports game. Our cat’s abilities, whatever they are, can be coaxed to their maximum with the proper environment.
new information
Our cats’ experience with strangers will inform their attitudes. Provided we can get them to have any, of course.
This applies to all beings, not just humans. Tristan was raised with three other cats he loved to hang with, yet it took him a month to process the Mithrandir experience. While RJ, from his very first kitten, Olwyn, was eager to be friends, and open to our (and James Bond’s) input about the proper ways to go about it.
Any experience can expand, or contract, our cat’s willingness to be social. A new cat addition who is shy or fearful broadcasts distress to our other cats, who then react with caution. A friendly guest who provides a fun petting session can result in our cat eagerly leaving the bedroom the next time they come, or even extending the benefit of the doubt to the next guest.
This process is not always transparent to the cat’s human, however. To us, this is the same guest. We are not noticing that last time our guest was down and in need of comfort, and the cat came out to give it, and this visit our guest feels much better; and is much more animated. To us it is just our friend, but to our cats, who do not see them that often, this is a new situation.
Non-guest experience also raise and lower our cat’s caution. If we just had some noisy repairs in an important room, our cats are far more likely to hide in the bedroom on our next social occasion. To us, one thing has no impact on the other. To our cats, it does.
moving target
Our cats are much more attuned to these wild swings of “differentness” when it comes to being social.
Imagine a sudden visit from a somewhat challenging relative, for instance. It is one thing if they appear when we’ve just cleaned the house and feel energized from a recent happy event. It can feel like an entirely different experience if we are dealing with a bad case of flu and the place is a resultant mess.
Our cat’s relationship with us has accumulated so many experiences that it has the flexibility to handle our, and our cat’s, varying mental states. Our cat does not have this advantage with any being they know less well. This is why our exhortation of “You know So-and-so!” has no meaning if our cat’s experience of So-and-so has not yet formed a completed picture.
Humans have a tendency to narrow down our experiences to only the ones we feel are pertinent. If we are having a bout of nausea during a friend’s visit, we are far less likely to blame this on the visitor, because we do not find this juxtaposition to make sense unless our friend is saying or doing things which are upsetting us.
But our cats live in a much larger world of input when it comes to dealing with their environment. They do not have our deductive advantages which can blame our upset stomach on a chancy dinner choice or a little too much celebrating the night before. Cats let in all the input at any given time, especially input that they have not been able to categorize yet. This is when, in the throes of a painful bladder infection, they will blame the litter box. And try to avoid the pain by avoiding the location.
If we want consistency from our cat’s social reflexes, we need to give them more information. Try different ways of encouraging them to meet our human friends, give them the space they need when Introducing a New Cat, and keep their stress levels low if we are going to be expecting interaction.
Like us, cats can only be as friendly as they are comfortable with.
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